Live-In vs. Live-Out Household Staff: Pros and Cons
When I think of a successful, live-in staffing scenario, I can only come up with Alice from The Brady Bunch. In case you’re not familiar, Alice was the live-in housekeeper for the 70s sitcom – and played a significant role in that fictitious blended family.
Fast forward to today and real-life situations…I’m not sure live-in situations are a good idea. I’ve seen many bad examples lately of House Managers losing their livelihood and housing – and not being prepared with a Plan B.
If you think about the most stressful situations in life, aside from death and divorce, a new job and moving are at the top.
Outside of a ranch manager (where the majority of the responsibilities do not include daily service to the family) or a nanny, au pair, or caregiver (where the primary focus is caretaking for specific family members), a live-in House Manager or housekeeper is a very tricky relationship. This relationship differs only slightly if the Private Service Professional (PSP) lives at the family’s primary residence (within the family’s home or in a detached dwelling on the same property), in a vacation or secondary home, or in an off-property location owned by the family. All have slightly different, and yet tricky, situations to manage.
Here is how this relationship can be tested:
It’s harder to draw clear boundaries between work and personal time.
When enjoying your personal time, it’s harder to say “no” to after-hours requests.
The words “after hours” don’t apply.
Terminating this relationship (on both sides) is a traumatic event.
You’ll likely be inviting someone you don’t know well to move into a home you own.
If they don’t want to leave, you’ll need legal support.
Staff tend to stay longer than they should in dysfunctional or dissatisfying situations.
Privacy issues are often breached on both sides of the relationship.
And, even in best-case scenarios, when everyone is happy, it’s easy to become too friendly (which has its issues).
The upsides are:
Long-term leases aren’t necessary, making the move-out date flexible.
Proximity to the property is key.
Standard of living and locale are likely improved over what the PSP could typically afford.
“Free Housing”
Is it? When this phrase is used, it implies that housing is included in the PSP’s compensation package but is not necessarily “free.”
Two scenarios exist where 1) the employee pays rent back to the homeowner, who then claims this as a rental property, and 2) their compensation is less than the full-market value because it includes housing.
In new-wealth families, homeowners don’t always have experience with the nuances of how to negotiate live-in situations. This can be an acceptable opportunity for the right person in old-money families, where household staff has always been the norm. These families are more likely to accept an outsider’s daily presence.
My best suggestions for live-in employment are:
Don’t enter these employment situations if there are other viable options.
If employer-provided housing is the only option, hire an attorney to prepare a contract with an end date.
Review the contract details and decide whether this living arrangement and employment will continue beyond the end date, and write a new agreement with anything that has changed over the original contract term.
Additionally, create a Memorandum of Understanding for the gray areas of the legal contract relating to:
Personal boundaries
24/7 service expectations
Communication hours
Privacy
Access into that dwelling
Time away from the property (as in overnight weekend getaways)
Contractor meetings (are they held at your kitchen table?)
Is “your house” also “your office”?
Maintenance expectations (who’s responsible for housekeeping?)
Stipulate how the space will be maintained (think hoarder situations)
What about overnight guests, parties, parking, loud music, etc.?
Spell out end-of-contract expectations
To the live-in PSPs…
Know that you are likely to:
Let your boundaries slide, meaning you won’t have all the personal time you need
Lack privacy and may not live the way you’d like
Not have a healthy and balanced life
Neglect your Plan B options
Be unprepared with financial resources in case of unexpected unemployment
Not be able to enter into a new lease agreement after your employment ends due to being unemployed (your only viable option may be an extended stay hotel)
If you’re considering offering this type of employment
If rental income is your focus, wouldn’t it be less messy to rent to a qualified renter, someone who doesn’t work inside your home? And isn’t it healthier for a PSP provider to go to their home at night? This provides healthier boundaries for everyone.
Before making this decision, realize this is a critical family decision and long-term role, and this relationship impacts both sides of the contract. In the best of situations, you communicate frequently with your wants and needs and have deep discussions about everyone’s satisfaction, frustrations, and expectations.
Also, consider that there could be a transition from live-in to live-out without severing the employment relationship. Explore this option if it is the healthiest for everyone.
We’re talking about a real-life scenario, not a sitcom
Our culture doesn’t have much acceptance of living with non-family members. This type of family dynamic is unusual these days, with many layers to consider.
Please list the advantages and disadvantages you will gain by having someone live in your home or on a property you own, and make sure that the benefits far outweigh the risks.
