What You Say Matters: 5 Words That Demoralize Your Employees

And 10 Reasons Why Homeowners Use Them

“You’re Not A Good Fit.”

I've heard these words, and most private service professionals have, too. It kills one’s soul.

To think that when performance goals are met, operations and mechanical equipment are running smoothly, homes are well stocked, staff is well trained, and service is delivered daily with only minor glitches (let’s face it, nothing is perfect), in most industries, these would be grounds for a promotion or at least a bonus. Yet, when a member of your staff is let go for this reason—without any indication of poor performance—that person is left wondering what went wrong and what they should have done differently.

Is there a lesson to learn from an unexplained dismissal? The answer is often no.

Homeowners use this phrase to dismiss staff when they want to take a chance and see what happens next. It’s their right and privilege to choose who they want in their home and to relieve staff of their duties, even those who are competent, for reasons that may seem irrational or unfounded from an outsider’s (or even an insider’s) perspective. These decisions, whether logical or not, often reflect underlying dynamics that may not be immediately apparent from an employment standpoint.

Let’s dive into 10 reasons WHY homeowners use this tactic to dismiss domestic staff.

1. Personality or Lifestyle Mismatches

Wealthy employers often have particular expectations regarding compatibility with their lifestyle, values, or household culture. An employee may be technically proficient but still not align with the employer’s preferred demeanor, communication style, or personal energy.

2. Perfectionism and High Standards

Some affluent individuals uphold exceptionally high standards and may regard minor mistakes or perceived shortcomings as intolerable. Even if the staff performs well, a single incident can lead to termination.

3. Power Dynamics

In households where wealth creates substantial power imbalances, terminating staff can sometimes represent an assertion of control or authority. This may stem from insecurity, stress, or a desire to control their environment.

4. Influence from Others

Decisions may be influenced by family members, friends, or other staff with grievances, biases, or conflicting interests. Internal dynamics within the household can play a significant role.

5. Changes in Household Needs

The needs of a luxury home can change quickly due to varying schedules, shifts in lifestyle, or external pressures. A staff member may no longer align with the evolving requirements, even if they were initially a good fit. Moving to a larger home can also drive this change.

6. Miscommunication or Lack of Feedback

Without clear feedback, staff may unknowingly violate unspoken expectations or norms. Some employers opt for dismissal instead of addressing issues directly to avoid confrontation.

7. Emotional Impulsivity

Like anyone else, wealthy individuals can make impulsive decisions based on anger, frustration, or stress. High-pressure lifestyles or personal problems can exacerbate this behavior.

8. Preference for Change

Some employers may enjoy the novelty of new staff or feel dissatisfied over time, leading them to make changes for reasons unrelated to the employee’s performance.

9. Legal or Financial Considerations

In rare cases, legal advice or financial considerations (e.g., tax or insurance concerns) might prompt a dismissal that seems unrelated to performance.

10. Paranoia or Distrust

Wealthy homeowners may develop concerns, whether justified or not, about security, loyalty, or confidentiality. If they suspect a breach of trust, they might fire someone preemptively.

Here’s what homeowners need to know about this type of practice…

It’s detrimental to both parties.

For homeowners, word spreads quickly.

Not only does the family endure the disruption caused by new staff in their home, but the remaining staff also become acutely aware that they could be next. This prompts the more capable staff to begin seeking other employment, cultivating paranoia and anxiety among them and doing little to promote the retention of qualified employees. No one can work effectively under these conditions, and the short-term employment cycle continues.

For the dismissed employee, they must now explain the unexplainable.

The absence of a logical employment transition raises a red flag on their resumes. Securing another job after they stop overanalyzing why they lost their previous position is one of the most challenging aspects of their professional lives. Candidates may scrutinize their job skills more closely, but this effort proves futile and frustrating without feedback on necessary improvements. Pursuing a new role that more closely aligns with their values, service style, and personality is nearly impossible, especially when everyone is on their best behavior during the interview and vetting processes.

Frustration with this issue of private service is significant and drives seasoned professionals to seek positions outside the industry.

Domestic staff recruiters often struggle to help candidates articulate these circumstances—yet who can blame them when they only hear one side of the story? There aren’t practical questions to uncover these household dynamics. If there were, most homeowners would never say if they’ve used this excuse to dismiss a former employee.

Asking current staff to explain the work culture could put them at risk of dismissal. Furthermore, asking former staff would require them to breach their NDA.

It’s a no-win situation.

Dismissing an employee under these circumstances doesn’t necessarily reflect their lack of professional skills or work ethic; instead, it often underscores the pressures and peculiarities of affluent households and homeowners. In my view, it’s one of the most toxic aspects of this industry, bordering on abuse.